in the month and a half i've lived in my new apartment, i've probably taken twenty photos of my bedroom window.
i think i am little obsessed with this window.
i find myself staring out of it in the morning, before the alarm goes off. i find myself staring out of it at night, when the lights from new jersey sparkle on the water.
as i write this, i am in bed, under the covers with a napping boyfriend next to me and a barking dog underneath the bed, watching the hudson and the setting sun and the pink-orange-blue sky.
it is beautiful.
but more importantly, it is calming...and despite all the honking i hear from the streets below, the view itself feels quiet.
or maybe it just allows me to be quiet.
i do a lot of talking these days. work requires me to lead orientations for three hours a few days a week. my office has an open floor plan, which is nice, but definitely makes me more social. today i found myself back in a theatre, introducing myself to a new community and a new group i just became a member of which will require more evenings and days filled with talking.
i'm not complaining. i don't mind the talking. i sometimes really like it.
but i do come home and realize that most of the day, some part of me, has been fighting my natural instinct of quiet. my natural instinct to just listen.
which is why, i think, i am drawn to this window.
when i lived in boston, i could see the charles river from my apartment. i would stare at it for hours, enjoying the quiet my first living alone experience allowed. when i wasn't staring at it through the window, i would walk over to the banks of the charles and find my favorite spot. there, amidst the walkers, the boats, the wind, and the ducks, i found quiet.
in philly i found quiet in other ways.
here...i'm figuring it out. i haven't been to the hudson to just sit. running, yes. just enjoying the quiet, no.
until then i will enjoy this view and the few moments of quiet i have before everything, including me, gets loud again.