let me preface this post by saying...insomnia is completely unacceptable on your birthday. you should be able to sleep as long as you want. your body should not be against you in this. work, school, kids, life...they may be against you. but when your birthday is on a sunday and you are childless and your earliest commitment is at 11am...you should not be wide awake at 6:30a after going to bed at 2a. you just shouldn't. unless you are going to a yoga class. which i am not. i had too much rum last night for that. so i am just awake and sleepy and bitter.
glad i got that off my chest.
now onto the birthday post i complained about on monday.
so. yeah. today is my 29th birthday. cue this song.
and cue a slew of people who will say "oh my god, you are 29? you look like you're 16...maybe 18..." (good work, genes!)
a year ago today i got up early to head to an all-day workshop with rock your bliss. it was me and a bunch of coworkers in the area and we talked goals and did yoga. it was a strange day--in part because i had already given my notice and my last day at that job would be in three weeks. i remember feeling awkward about thinking about my goals and setting goals that had nothing to do with the company anymore. but that awkwardness didn't really matter because 1) no one else seemed to care and 2) it was a lovely day that ended with me and the boyfriend going to a so-so play.
today i am looking at a vision board i made at that workshop and in a few hours, my boyfriend and i will be going to see a (hopefully not so-so) play...that i wrote.
some things change. some things stay the same.
the vision board has a lot of words on it. only a few images. it says things like "get creative" and "love" and "truth" and "calm" and "just let go"...it has images of an airplane and a lake and someone doing yoga. it also has an image of a black girl typing away on her bed. looking at it, i can see how this year fits into the images and the words. looking at it, i can see the goals i had that didn't come into fruition. looking at it, i can see i need to eventually make another one because some things have shifted and i'm not sure i want what all i wanted last year.
it is strange to think about all that has happened in the past year. i feel like i've said that every year for the past five years, but, perhaps, that is why we look at our twenties as this golden era of change and mistakes and confusion and excitement. in the midst of it, i don't feel like anything going on is that exciting, but looking back i am like, duh, dumbo, this shit is hella exciting.
i'm literally and figuratively in a very different place than i was a year ago. living in new york. writing plays and actually seeing some of them performed. waking up every day next to the boyfriend. going to yoga at least three times a week and not teaching yoga at all. the list goes on... my day-to-day looks and feels very different. but then i am reminded that i still walk the dog every day and wear yoga pants almost every day. the more things change, the more things stay the same.
i don't know what 29 will bring. i hope it brings awesome things like play submission acceptances, completing my 30before30 list, and babies (right, boyfriend?! i joke, i joke...OR DO I? Mmmmhahahaha! Okay fine...they don't have to be my babies...I'll accept babies made by others so I can hold them and play with them). I hope it brings a little more confidence and fun. I hope it brings stability and laughter. According to an online calculator thing, my saturn return officially starts this year so that could mean a lot of crap and instability are also coming my way...but let's not talk about that.
According to this article, the ages that end in 9s are more meaningful. People are more likely to run their first marathons, get married or divorced, or even take their own lives at 29, 39, etc. I recognize that 29 is supposed to be a big deal because 30 is on the other side of it. Some people seem to turn 29 in mourning because of that fact. I, on the other hand, am a little excited to enter a new decade in a year so I am looking at this year as a celebration of all the nutty, lovely things that happened in my 20s that will hopefully lead to some wisdom...or at least some embarrassing stories and memories in my 30s.
so here's to more same, more change, and more late 20s angst.
happy to meet ya, 29.